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Thursday, December 15, 2011

Am I making a mistake?

When I used to be a courier in London...oh...a long time ago now, it mostly struck me how wrong or inaccurate the advice people can offer. I think, almost without exception, if I asked the way or needed directions, whatever they told me, would on almost every occasion, be wrong. 'Go down there, that one-way system, and number 24 is on the right.' It never was not only on the left, but not even down that part of the one-way. 'Don't use the A10, there been an accident, and you're never get through.' Yet I went that way, and it was invariably clear. 'Wrap up warm, there's snow in the air.' Sunny all day of course.
But now I write for a living. No more cold, hard days for me. I've written about 21 novels, and of course, I like all of them. However, I admit, some are better than others. Some, I enjoy reading more than others. One or two of the early ones are indeed, a bit of an embarrassment, and could have been written better. Self-publishing is a bit of an art-form. A combination of science, business and intuition. Yet concerning one, Alien Queens, I find myself in a predicament. Because although I have found people who love it, others have advised me to let it go and concentrate on newer works.
Yet I cannot. Every time I pick it up and read a few pages, an excitement flushes over me, and a small voice inside my brain says, this could be big! Given the chance, science-fiction geeks all over the world could come to love this book. So I struggle with this daily. What it comes down to is, do I trust myself or my critics? I have a passion for Alien Queens I have to admit. It has the most absurdly complicated plot anyone could ever wish for. It's a time-travel puzzle within a puzzle and yet I am proud of it. And it has great, and equally absurd characters.
Yet the thought persists. Am I deluding myself? What must happen for me to 'go for it, 100%' as they say? Perhaps we all, writers or not, suffer with this form of thinking.